How to Build a Calming Bedtime Routine for Babies and Toddlers

The Quick Answer

A calming bedtime routine is a short set of steps you do in the same order every night, in the room where your child sleeps. It tells your baby's brain that sleep is coming and gives you both a few minutes of closure at the end of the day. Aim for 5 to 10 minutes for newborns, 10 to 15 minutes for babies 4 to 12 months, and 15 to 30 minutes for toddlers. Keep feeding and the bath before the routine starts, and time bedtime to your child's wake windows rather than the clock.

Parents often ask me for the perfect bedtime routine, as if there's a magic order of songs and books that makes babies sleep. There isn't. What makes a routine work is that it's predictable, it happens at the right time, and it ends with your baby in the crib, ready to fall asleep.

I'm Sarah Mitchell, founder of Helping Babies Sleep and author of The Helping Babies Sleep Method. After more than 13 years and over 1,000 families, many of them here in Palo Alto, Menlo Park and San Jose, I can tell you the routine itself is rarely the problem. Usually it's what surrounds it: a bedtime that's too late, a feed at the very end, or a routine that changes depending on who is doing it.

What Is the Purpose of a Bedtime Routine?

In The Helping Babies Sleep Method, the first pillar is simple: the drive to sleep is biological; the way we sleep is learned. Your baby's body builds sleep pressure all day, and their circadian rhythm releases melatonin as evening light fades. That part is automatic. The bedtime routine is how you teach the learned part. It does three jobs:

• It cues the brain that sleep is coming. The same steps in the same order become a signal your baby can predict.
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• It gives closure to the day. A few minutes of calm, one-on-one time in the sleep space helps your child separate from you with confidence.
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• It helps regulate big feelings. Dim lights, a quiet voice and a slower pace help your child's nervous system settle. Your calm becomes their calm.

The research backs this up. A 2015 study led by pediatric sleep psychologist Jodi Mindell found that children with a consistent bedtime routine fell asleep faster, woke less overnight and slept longer, and the benefits grew the more nights a week the routine happened. Consistency matters far more than which songs you sing.

What Makes a Good Bedtime Routine?

• The same steps, in the same order, every night, no matter which parent, grandparent or nanny is doing it.
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• It happens where your child sleeps. Say goodnight to the family first. Once you're in the bedroom, stay there, because every extra transition is a chance to get distracted.
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• It's short. Long routines invite stalling and push bedtime later.
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• It uses consistent sleep cues: a key phrase (I use "It's sleepy time"), dim lights, a lullaby or white noise, and a sleep sack.
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• It ends with your child in the crib or bed, awake. This is where the routine supports independent sleep rather than replacing it.

When Should the Bedtime Routine Start?

Timing is half of a calm bedtime. In the Helping Babies Sleep Method we don't pick a bedtime off the clock. We use a flexible schedule: bedtime is based on when your baby woke up from their last nap and how long they can comfortably stay awake at their age. Start the routine as that awake time is coming to a close, so your baby is in the crib right as their sleep pressure peaks.

For most babies and toddlers, that puts bedtime somewhere between 6:00 and 8:00 p.m. It moves earlier on days with short naps and around nap transitions. The most common mistake I see is a bedtime that is too late. An overtired baby is harder to settle, more likely to wake about 40 minutes after going down, and more likely to wake at 5:00 a.m. Here are the signs your baby is overtired.

If bedtime has fallen apart recently, it's worth asking whether you're dealing with a regression or a schedule problem before you change the routine itself.

Bedtime Routine by Age

Newborns (0 to 3 Months): 5 to 10 Minutes

Newborn sleep is irregular, and many newborns aren't ready to fall asleep until around 9:00 p.m., after the evening witching period. Bedtimes get earlier and easier at about 10 to 12 weeks, once your baby starts producing their own melatonin. You can start a simple routine as early as 4 weeks:

1. Bring your baby into the room where they'll sleep and say, "It's sleepy time."
2. Dim the lights and turn on a lullaby or white noise.
3. Change the diaper and put on pajamas.
4. Swaddle, until your baby shows signs of rolling. Here's when to stop swaddling.
5. Help your baby fall asleep in whatever way works for your family right now.

At this age you may still be feeding, rocking or holding your baby to sleep, and that's okay. The routine is about building cues now that will help later. See the 2 month old sleep schedule for how bedtime fits into a newborn's day.

Babies (4 to 12 Months): 10 to 15 Minutes

From about four months, your baby is far more aware of the world, and a predictable routine becomes a powerful cue. This is the routine I teach families in my book:

1. Notice that your baby's awake time is coming to a close and they're becoming calm and less active.
2. Say "It's sleepy time" and take your baby to their room, repeating the phrase.
3. Draw the curtains or dim the lights.
4. Turn on a lullaby or white noise as a cue.
5. Change the diaper, put on pajamas and the sleep sack. I keep the sleep sack open on the change pad so it's all one efficient step.
6. Sit in a chair and read one book or sing one song. Try not to rock.
7. Do a quick "burping lap" for babies 4 to 6 months.
8. Put your baby in the crib awake.

Notice what isn't on the list: feeding. More on that below. Once your baby has the skills to fall asleep on their own, it usually takes 5 to 15 minutes in the crib.

Toddlers (13 to 24 Months): 15 to 30 Minutes

Toddlers want to be involved, so the routine gets a little longer. Keep the same order and add small, controlled choices so your toddler feels some control:

• Do bathroom things first, like teeth and diaper, before going into the bedroom.
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• Offer two choices, not open questions: "Do you want the blue pajamas or the stars?" "Which two books tonight?"
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• Let your toddler help, such as turning off the light or switching on the white noise.
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• If your child is in a bed, read in the bed to avoid another transition.
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• A one-year-old can have a hard-spout sippy cup of water if they insist.

After 12 months, it can take up to 20 minutes for your toddler to be content in the crib before falling asleep, and that's normal. A small lovie can join the routine now. The American Academy of Pediatrics advises keeping soft objects out of the crib until 12 months.

Preschoolers (2 to 4 Years): 20 to 30 Minutes

Older toddlers test limits, ask for "one more," and are learning to manage big feelings. A 20 to 30 minute routine, plus 10 to 15 minutes of one-on-one connection time beforehand, works for most families. If bedtime has turned into a nightly negotiation, read Toddler Bedtime Battles: How to Create Calm, Consistent Evenings for the five pillars of The Helping Toddlers Sleep Method. And no, toddlers shouldn't pick their own bedtime.

Where Does Feeding Fit in the Bedtime Routine?

This is where my background as a Certified Lactation Counselor shapes how I teach bedtime. Feeding and sleep are deeply connected, but they work best as separate steps. For babies 4 months and older:

• Offer a full feed before the routine starts, in a different room with the lights on.
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• Leave at least 10 minutes between the end of the feed and the start of the routine.
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• Don't let your baby doze at the breast or bottle right before bed. Even a few minutes of drowsing lowers sleep pressure and makes the put-down harder.

Why? If your baby falls asleep feeding, that's the way they learn to fall asleep, and they'll look for it again at every night waking. Separating the two is one of the simplest changes that helps babies sleep longer stretches. You'll find more in The Feeding and Sleep Connection.

Should a Bath Be Part of the Bedtime Routine?

Not necessarily. For a newborn, a warm bath can be soothing, and the drop in body temperature afterward helps signal sleep. From about 4 months, many babies find bath time more exciting than relaxing. Daily baths can also dry out skin, and on a night when your baby is overtired, you want to get them straight to bed. Bathe your baby as often as you like, just before the routine starts rather than as part of it. Here's the full answer to should your bedtime routine include a bath?

Common Bedtime Routine Mistakes

1. A bedtime that's too late. Keeping your baby up to "preserve" a 7:30 p.m. bedtime or to wait for a parent to get home usually backfires with more night wakings and earlier mornings.
2. A routine that's too long. A 45-minute routine for a 6-month-old pushes them past their awake time. Short and predictable wins.
3. Feeding as the last step. It becomes how your baby falls asleep. Move the feed before the routine.
4. Relying on "drowsy but awake." If you rock or feed your baby until they're drowsy, you're doing the work of relaxing them, which is the very skill they need to learn. Here's why drowsy but awake fails most families.
5. Too many people in the room. Doing bedtime together can be sweet, but two parents with all their attention on a baby can be stimulating rather than calming.
6. Leaving the room mid-routine. Going back out to say goodnight to a sibling or grab a forgotten bottle restarts the excitement.
7. Every caregiver doing it differently. Write the routine down so everyone uses the same steps and the same key phrase.

What About the Nap Routine?

Use a shorter version of the same routine for naps: your key phrase, a dark room, white noise and the sleep sack, without the pajama change. The familiar cues help your baby transition to sleep in the middle of a bright, busy day. A dark room helps here too; see the baby sleep environment checklist.

What If the Bedtime Routine Stops Working?

It's common for a routine that worked beautifully to suddenly stop working. I see this most around the 4 month sleep regression, again at 8 to 10 months, and around 18 months. Before you overhaul the routine, check three things:

• Timing. Has your baby outgrown their wake windows, or dropped a nap without an earlier bedtime to match?
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• Development. Is your baby practicing a new skill like rolling, crawling or standing? Here are all the sleep regression ages.
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• How your baby falls asleep. If the routine ends with rocking or feeding to sleep, your baby will need that again at every night waking. Here's what's normal for night wakings by age.

If the timing is right and the routine is consistent but your baby still can't fall asleep without help, that's a sign it's time to teach independent sleep skills. The Two Phases of Sleep Training explains how we sequence that work, starting with foundations like the routine and timing before any behavioral change.

Bedtime Help in Palo Alto and the Bay Area

Bay Area evenings are busy. One parent is commuting home from San Francisco, a nanny or daycare runs the afternoon, and bedtime has to work for everyone who does it. We help families across Palo Alto, Menlo Park, Mountain View, Los Altos, Sunnyvale, Cupertino and San Jose build a routine that fits their real life, and we coach families virtually anywhere.

• Not sure where to start? Take the free Sleep Quiz →
• Baby 4 to 24 months? Explore baby sleep coaching →
• Toddler 2 to 4 years? Explore toddler sleep coaching →
• Prefer to learn on your own time? Try the Baby Online Class →
• Ready to talk? Book your intro call →

Frequently Asked Questions About Bedtime Routines

What is the best bedtime routine for a baby?

The best bedtime routine is short, calm and the same every night, in the room where your baby sleeps. For a baby 4 to 12 months: say "It's sleepy time," dim the lights, turn on a lullaby or white noise, change into pajamas and a sleep sack, read one book or sing one song, and place your baby in the crib awake. Feeding happens before the routine, in a different room.

How long should a bedtime routine be?

About 5 to 10 minutes for newborns, 10 to 15 minutes for babies 4 to 12 months, and 15 to 30 minutes for toddlers 13 months and older. That's the time from walking into the bedroom to putting your child down, and it doesn't include a bath or a feed. Longer routines tend to invite stalling and push bedtime later.

When should I start a bedtime routine with my baby?

You can start a simple routine as early as 4 weeks. At first it's just a few cues: dim lights, a lullaby, pajamas, a swaddle and your key phrase. Newborn bedtimes are often late, around 9:00 p.m., until your baby starts making their own melatonin at about 10 to 12 weeks.

Should I feed my baby as part of the bedtime routine?

For babies 4 months and older, I recommend a full feed before the routine starts, in a different room, with at least 10 minutes between the end of the feed and the start of the routine. When feeding is the last step before sleep, your baby learns to need it to fall asleep, and will want it again at every night waking.

Should a bath be part of the bedtime routine?

Not necessarily. A bath can help a newborn wind down, but from about 4 months it is often more exciting than relaxing. Daily baths can also dry out skin, and on a night when your baby is overtired you want to get them straight to bed. If you love an evening bath, do it before the routine starts.

What time should my baby go to bed?

In The Helping Babies Sleep Method, bedtime is set by wake windows rather than the clock: count from when your baby woke from their last nap. For most babies and toddlers that lands between 6:00 and 8:00 p.m. The most common mistake I see is a bedtime that is too late, which leads to more night wakings and early mornings.

Should the nap routine be the same as the bedtime routine?

Use a shorter version of the same routine for naps: the same key phrase, dark room, white noise and sleep sack, minus the pajama change. Keeping the cues the same helps your baby know what's coming.

Why did my baby suddenly start fighting the bedtime routine?

It's usually timing, development or a sleep association. Common causes are a bedtime that no longer matches your baby's wake windows, a nap transition without an earlier bedtime, a sleep regression around 4, 8 to 10 or 18 months, or a routine that ends with rocking or feeding to sleep. Check the timing first, since it's the easiest thing to change.

Keep Reading

• The Helping Babies Sleep Method: The Complete Overview
• Should Your Bedtime Routine Include a Bath?
• Toddler Bedtime Battles: How to Create Calm, Consistent Evenings
• The Feeding and Sleep Connection
• The Sleep Regression Ages You Should Know About
• Why Is My Baby Waking Up Too Early?

About the Author

Sarah Mitchell, Kin, DC (retired) is the founder of Helping Babies Sleep, a Bay Area sleep consulting agency based in Palo Alto, and the author of the Amazon bestseller The Helping Babies Sleep Method: The Art and Science of Teaching Your Baby to Sleep. A retired chiropractor, Certified Lactation Counselor, RIE Foundations graduate and member of the Society of Behavioral Sleep Medicine, she has supported more than 1,000 families over 13 years.

Sources

• Mindell JA, et al. Bedtime routines for young children: a dose-dependent association with sleep outcomes. Sleep, 2015. PubMed
• American Academy of Pediatrics, HealthyChildren.org: A Parent's Guide to Safe Sleep
• Harding EC, et al. Sleep and thermoregulation. Current Opinion in Physiology, 2020. ScienceDirect
• Sarah Mitchell, The Helping Babies Sleep Method, Chapter 4: Babies (4 to 24 Months).