It can be so physically and mentally exhausting when you are new parents, or second time parents and your baby won’t sleep in the bassinet. You might be worried that your baby doesn't like the bassinet or doesn't like to be swaddled. Usually in these scenarios babies much prefer to sleep in their parents arms or on their parents chest. At first you might have found this adorable and loved the cuddles, but as the weeks fly by you’re finding yourself being held captive and having other things that need your attention.
2 Reasons Putting Baby to Sleep in a Bassinet Is Important:
- Safe Sleep Environment. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics safe sleep guidelines, your newborn baby should sleep on a firm, flat surface. This could be a bassinet, a portable crib or a crib with a firm mattress. This safe sleep guideline helps to minimize the risk of sids (Sudden Infant Death Syndrome.) A contained safe sleep space is the safest place for your baby to sleep and to develop good sleep habits.
- Long Game. When it comes to your newborn sleep we often don’t really know what we’re doing :) and we’re so in love with our precious little person that we promote sleeping in arms. However, when it comes to baby sleep you want to think about your long game. Where do you want your baby to sleep when she’s 8 months? Ultimately she’ll need to be contained in a safe environment for sleep. That means introducing that environment now when preferences and habits are being formed.
4 Common Reasons Why Your Newborn Won’t Sleep in the Bassinet
I’ve worked with many parents who have babies who will only sleep in arms. Their ages vary from 4 weeks up to 13 months. I recently worked with a 2.5 year old who would only nap in arms. Why is that? While the drive to sleep is biological, the way we sleep is a learned habit and these habits start as early as 4 to 8 weeks of age. During these early weeks you are teaching your baby what sleep looks like. At 4 months babies hit the 4 month sleep regression where they wake up to the world around them. This manifests with waking up more at night and taking shorter naps. If your baby will only sleep in arms this becomes a very trying time where you will only get short periods of night time sleep.
- Seeking Comfort
I've observed that some babies seem to fight to sleep in arms more than other babies. In addition the amount of sleep a newborn needs can vary from 16 to 20 hours of sleep in a 24 hour cycle. My first question for babies who only sleep in arms is probing any circumstances that might have led them to seek the comfort of human touch more than the average child.
These circumstances include:
- Acid Reflux - silent reflux and true GERD
- Parents are often directed to hold baby upright in arms after feeding
- Reflux can be aggravated by being on their back - sleeping on someone often has the baby on an angle
- Gas - sensitive digestive track
- Mom having low milk supply/tongue tie or latch challenges
- Being Overtired
When I was going through this I had no idea that babies have “awake times” that help guide a parent to know when they should be sleeping. I kept watching my son for “cues” that he was tired. I wasn’t very good at it really. I kept mistaking the signs of fatigue for hunger and I would nurse him. He was more tired than hungry and kept having a short feed and then falling asleep at the breast. This is very common. In addition many parents have a naptime or bedtime that is too late and when they try to put their little ones down in the bassinet they refuse. They are overtired and cry at pretty much everything. If your baby is overtired it’s probably not the best time to try the bassinet again. Being overtired manifests with multiple night waking every 2 hours or more and causes sleepless nights! Nap time can also manifest with only 30 minute naps and the 1 to 3 months of age range.
- Habit
The third reason babies refuse to sleep in the bassinet is because of habit. Often parents have an underlying condition that might have been overlooked such as reflux and these babies wanted to be in arms more than average babies. Or perhaps parents have been told to hold their baby upright after feeding and baby dozes off. In these cases baby learns that falling asleep happens in arms. In the newborn stage often this transfer to the crib or bassinet is feasible but as baby hits the 2 month mark she becomes more aware and rejects the transfer. She wakes and cries as soon as her toe his the mattress. Sleep is a learned habit, so she’s learned it happens in arms.
- Anxious parents
When my son was born I NEVER wanted to hear him fuss or cry or god forbid do "sleep training" and wanted him to be the happiest boy around. So I never let him fuss at all. I always picked him right away. After helping hundreds of parents teach their little ones to sleep I can tell you one of the best things you can do in the early months is “be an observer.” You may put your little one down in the bassinet and he is allowed to express that he would prefer to still be in your arms. You can offer him comfort, touch and love while he’s in the bassinet and help him settle there. You don’t have to pick him up instantaneously. There’s nothing wrong with 3-5 minutes of fussing and can help you BIG TIME in the long term.
When my daughter was born I was determined to do things differently than with my son. I also knew what children were capable of. I loved watching HGTV in the afternoons with her sleeping on my chest. But I was also able to put her down in the crib for 2 to 3 naps per day while I offered her comfort. She would squawk, sometimes cry for a few minutes but the tears didn’t rattle me like they did the first time. I knew no harm could be done of her crying for a couple of minutes with me right beside her patting and soothing her verbally. Being patient and being an observer I learned to know her different cries and meet the root need, rather than muting them with the boob as I did with my first child. With my son I always picked him up right away and because of that he never wanted to sleep in the bassinet and sleep was a battle.
I share with you my step by step approach for how to do this in my Amazon Bestselling book, The Helping Babies Sleep Method; The Art and Science of Teaching Your Baby to Sleep. This is for babies 4 weeks of age to 24 months. It's also available on Audible.
When my daughter was born I was determined to do things differently than with my son. I also knew what children were capable of. I loved watching HGTV in the afternoons with her sleeping on my chest. But I was also able to put her down in the crib for 2 to 3 naps per day while I offered her comfort. She would squawk, sometimes cry for a few minutes but the tears didn’t rattle me like they did the first time. I knew no harm could be done of her crying for a couple of minutes with me right beside her patting and soothing her verbally. Being patient and being an observer I learned to know her different cries and meet the root need, rather than muting them with the boob as I did with my first child. With my son I always picked him up right away and because of that he never wanted to sleep in the bassinet and sleep was a battle.
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7 Things You Can Do to Help Your Baby Sleep in the Bassinet or Their Own Crib.
It is super frustrating when your newborn will not sleep in the bassinet. Here are 4 things you can do to help your baby sleep in the bassinet.
- Work on the first nap of the day in the bassinet. Work on changing This is usually the easiest nap to get a baby down for. Try the pick up and put down method to help make it happen. Put them down offer comfort with touch and verbally shsh.. Give your baby 2 -3 minutes to settle, if they are getting wound up, pick them up and calm them and then try again. You don't have to make a drastic change to your entire routine. Work on things slowly a few times a day.
- Focus on the timing of sleep. Overtired babies are harder to get to fall and stay asleep. Most newborns need to be back to sleep between 45 minutes and 1 hour up to 2 months and about 1.5 hours in the 3rd month. If you surpass this time (except before bed during the witching hour from 6 to 9 pm at night) it can be harder to get your baby to fall asleep and stay asleep. In general it's almost impossible to have newborns sleep too much. Most babies are not getting enough sleep, which causes a fussy baby in the newborn phase and beyond.
- Swaddle. Swaddling can help your little one settle more easily as it mimics the womb and decreases limb activity which can be distracting. Swaddling helps contain your baby's startle reflex aka moro reflex which can wake them up or distract them from falling asleep. My favorite swaddle, 12 years running, still remains the Miracle Blanket. It's the only one that has kept all my clients squirmy arms in.
- Move the bassinet a few feet away from your bed. Sometimes having them so close can be distracting for both of you to sleep. One good idea is to move it a few feet away.
- Be an observer. Give the bassinet a few minutes to work while you offer comfort.
- Remove visual distractions. As early as one month of age, staring at a shadow on the wall can be distracting and prevent a little one from falling asleep. A dark room and blackout curtains can be helpful to minimize visual distractions that could distract them from falling asleep. I like these SleepOut Curtains to darken the remove visual distractions. Use my code helpingbabiessleep for 10% off.
- Get a guide to lead you. Grab a copy of The Helping Babies Sleep Method.
5 Myths Parents Think Will Improve Their Baby's Sleep
1. Keeping them in the bassinet because it feels cozy.
Don't be afraid to use your baby's crib. We recommend a bassinet because it's a smaller item that can be placed closer to your bed and be more convenient for frequent night feeding at the beginning of life. Your baby's best sleep is not dependent on being in the bassinet. A crib will work just as well. My favorite crib mattress is organic by Naturepedic.
2. Adding a heating pad to the bassinet.
Some people think that this will mimic the feeling of being on a parent. Sadly this doesn't usually work.
3. White noise sound machine.
The purpose of white noise machine is to drown out household noise that might startle your baby awake, but it's not "the thing" that is going to soothe your baby once they are older than 4 weeks of age. 12 years ago when my son was born white noise was not commonly used! It seems to have become rote that it's needed, but it's not. I think it's more a tool to help assure anxious parents their baby will keep sleeping.
4. Sleep positioners.
Some parents feel their baby sleeps better on their side. While there is some antecdotal evidence to this, the AAP guidelines advise against the use of sleep positioners.
5. A rigid sleep schedule
If you try and put your baby on a rigid sleep schedule, sadly it won't work and you'll feel frustrated. The research shows that newborn sleep is weakly regulated and that they will sleep in 3-4 hour chunks around the clock that first month. Having a rigid schedule where they wake up at the same time and go to sleep at exactly the same time with a consistent bedtime routine likely won't change much about their sleep in the 1st month of life. However, having consistent bedtime routines can be started early and help cue your baby that it's night time sleep time and is a good habit to implement. You can read our blog post about "should your baby's routine include a bath" here. In general it is important to know your baby's sweet spot for sleep and not keep them up too long, but nap time likely won't be the exact same time every day for many months to come. Sleep cues such as disengaging with you, getting fussy and glazed over eyes can be helpful cues.
6. Keeping the room temperature warm.
Baby's are little heat generators because they are growing exponentially. While common theory is to "put them in one layer more than you're wearing," at Helping Babies Sleep we like to follow the rule of one layer less than you're wearing, especially if you're swaddling with multiple layers. Ideal room temperature is 69 to 72 degrees Farenheit for sleeping. The cooler the better. Newborns are lacking temperature regulation skills and there is a greater risk of overheating than being cold.
7. Waking them up from long naps.
There's a common theory on the internet right now to wake them from a nap if it's been 2 hours, but why? The literature shows they will sleep in 3-4 hour chunks around the clock so why interrupt that important and health promoting sleep. In The Helping Babies Sleep Method, in the newborn stage, we only wake babies up if it's been some time since their last feed, and we'd wake them to get a full feed in.
8. Keeping them in their parent's room.
You might feel like your newborn likes being in your presence. In the first 4 months of age babies don't understand object permanence. The idea that you exist even though they can't see you. They don't realize you're that close to them. The 4 month sleep regression is all about learning that premise. Having them in your room is unlikely to help a newborn sleep better, but it will likely be more convenient for you.
Conclusion
If your baby is less than 8 weeks of age you want to be taking notes and observing your baby’s behavior to see if there could be reflux or gas at play making her uncomfortable and seeing your comfort more than the average child. These are the types of babies that we help at Helping Babies Sleep. If not, there is still time to work on getting your baby to sleep in the bassinet and introducing this new sleep space. For babies 4 months and older, if she will only sleep on you, you will likely have to do some “sleep teaching” to teach your baby that sleep can happen in a different way and work on undoing learned behavior.
If you want to grab my baby sleep timing chart click here:
Also, Check out Sustainable Products for Babies: Recommended by Baby Sleep Expert Dr. Sarah Mitchell.
